It all started way back on a day when Sheila and I were watching a YouTube video featuring a couple who bought a cheap, dilapidated RV and were filming themselves fixing it up. As expected, every time they pulled something apart, some other problem would rear its ugly head and they would end up pouring more cash into their broken down aluminum box on wheels..
Undaunted, they simply smiled and kept dumping dollars into their rolling money pit, part after part, hose after hose, gallon of paint after gallon of paint. It was after their 99th problem that I turned to Sheila and asked, “I wonder what it would be like to have money?” I mean, these guys simply had zero qualms about their bank account. There were no shortcuts taken, no complaining, no, “we’ll have to wait 2 weeks to be able to afford this certain thing”, just Benjamin Franklin upon Benjamin Franklin thrown at this project, one bill after another, no questions asked, no shits given.
I then followed my query up with another thought, “I see Bhad Bhabie’s worth 50 million now. Undoubtedly worth that much money, contributing so much to the welfare of mankind”.
Who’s Bhad Bhabie, you ask? And why do I care? And why can’t he spell?"
Well, first off, Bhad Bhabie is a girl. Secondly… we’ll get to the spelling thing later.
If you’re over 40 or have a life, you may have no clue as to whose baby this is or why she's so bad. So, lemme explain. The world witnessed Bhabie’s first tantrum in 2016 as she blew onto the scene accompanied by her mother on the Dr. Phil Show. The episode was entitled, "I Want to Give Up My Car-Stealing, Knife-Wielding, Twerking, 13-Year-Old Daughter Who Tried to Frame Me for a Crime".
That’s the official title of the show… not kidding…
Bhabie, aka; Danielle Bregoli, sat on the studio stage as a tiny, innocent-looking, white, suburban, red-headed teenager, who had somehow found it necessary to assume the persona of a black, street-hardened gangbanger.
Her obviously faked urban accent came off as a cross between Brooklyn Mafia Boss, Cajun-Creole, and ghetto hood rat; a style she’d apparently developed while listening to way too much gangsta’ rap in her formative years, while at the same time, never having talked to an actual black person from an inner city.
As Dr. Phil’s crowd of middle-aged white women “ooooh’d and ahhhh’d” over the mother’s tales of her bratty baby’s criminal exploits, her defiant attitude and blatant disrespect for parental authority, and as they chuckled and tittered at the delinquent daughter’s over-the-top persona and strange accent, which her mom had to interpret so that Dr. Phil could understand what the troubled teen was trying to communicate, the fiery and finally fed-up Danielle challenged every one of “da hoes” in the audience to a street brawl, uttering the phrase that would launch her into the internet stratosphere, “Cash me ousside, how bou’ dat?”
Her mother interpreted the Cajun Style Ebonics as, “Catch me outside, how about that?” Meaning, “Let’s all go outside and settle your disrespect toward me with fists.”
10 minutes after the most popular episode in Dr. Phil’s history, T-shirts were selling on every street corner of the U.S. with the slogan, “Cash Me Ousside, How Bout Dat?” And of course, Walmart, the official voice of white trash Americans everywhere, got in on the action with Bregoli apparel of their own.
America had fallen hard for the scrappy “Cash Me Outside Girl” and her willingness to back up her tough talk with immediate and violent action. It didn’t hurt that she had a beautiful and innocent teen-girl face matched with a high-end stripper’s body. All the boys wanted her, and all the girls wanted to look like her.
Memes filled the internet with her audacious phrase. Her face appeared like magic on social media feeds around the world, and of course, there was a tribute rap song soon assaulting the airwaves with her now-famous phrase, honoring her abject disrespect for authority.
Enter Adam Kluger, a fast talking, L.A. based, social media content hustler who ran a business matching large music acts with corporate sponsorship. Kluger was connected in the music business. Think: Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Flo Rida, Jason Derulo connected.
Kluger (or AK-47 as I'm now naming him), then living in Miami, drove an hour to the Bregoli home and made them an offer they couldn’t refuse. Seven months later, Danielle gave birth to her alter ego, "Bhad Bhabie", and her first of many rap songs set up residence on the Billboard Hot 100. Her finely crafted piece of urban art was entitled, “These Heaux”, a title which makes me stand up and salute in respect as it combines her weird Cajun accent thing with her wannabe Gangsta thing - sheer marketing genius. And with timeless and classic poetry in a song like this, how could she possibly not rocket to the top of the charts?
“I ain't nothin' like these hoes (no)
Don't compare me to no one (don't do it)
Money green like a Ceelo (yup)
Yeah, my pocket so swollen
I ain't nothing like these hoes (no)
Don't compare me to no one (don't do it)
Money green like a Ceelo
Yeah, my pocket so swollen
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)”
But were the song's success and the marketing savvy all signs of Danielle's genius? Hell no. Kluger put together a staff of around 20 song writers, “beat doctors”, music producers and marketers who literally handed the girl the songs, the professionally produced videos, and the publicity to market them, all on a silver platter.
Danielle did chip in however, staying relevant in the culture by screaming expletives at anyone who looked at her sideways, getting kicked out of nightclubs, escorted off an airplane for fighting someone who she thought had disrespected her mom, constantly stirring up drama on social media, and preaching non-stop the rapper's gospel of how great she was and how pathetic all her haters were.
Her hip-hop social contribution was spot on, and the millions of dollars rolling into her bank
account were a true testament to her value in improving the human race.
That’s sarcasm for those of you keeping score at home.
Of course, you know how this story ends; with her in rehab, suffering a breakdown and addiction, her managers enriched, her bank account completely drained, all before she turned 18. How could this dream story end any differently?
But wait… there’s more. Yes, the Bhabie was broken and penniless at 17 years, 364 days. But a few days after she turns 18, Fate once again came knocking.
Not being a complete fool, Danielle answered the door by opening an Only Fans account, a social media site where you can “get to know” the real Bhad Bhabie (right down to her bra and panties), and where you can message her personally, pretending she’s your girlfriend or your bestie.
And guess what happened? Believe it or not, she immediately becomes a millionaire (again). And when I say immediately, I mean IMMEDIATELY. Like… in 6-hours-she-makes-1-million-dollars-immediately. No, this is not a joke (although, in a cosmic sense, you’ve just got to shake your head and laugh).
A while later, as proof of her newfound success, she posts her Only Fans financial report which shows in black and white, that… yup… she’s now worth 50 million American dollars.
She goes on to buy a Florida mansion for 6 million cash, marries a guy, has a baby and is living the life 99.99% of us can only dream of. This is the story of success in the New America.
So, there I sat, watching YouTube in my shabby, used recliner in the tiny living room of my tiny rental home that I share with 3 other people, wondering why I don’t have enough money to buy a broken down RV and refurbish it. And, as I do not possess the sheer talent or moral courage of the Bhad Bhabies of this world, I haven’t been perusing the high-end Florida real estate websites lately either.
All I could do was sit there, shaking my head at the injustice of this world. I then felt five (yes five) dark thoughts began to worm their way into my mind like links slowly forming a chain of anger; and I grew sullen and… yes, I’ll admit… somewhat bitter.
Yes, I knew the headline stories of Danielle Bregoli/Bhad Bhabie, but I felt like maybe I needed to dive deeper, like there has to be more to this. There has to be something that makes it make sense. Some kind of... I don't know. Mostly I needed to spend time in research as an exercise to take my mind off these brooding thoughts now clouding my cranium.
So, I decided to explore what her story truly was beyond the headlines, and as I did, to my surprise, life did not get better. This mean ‘ol world became an even darker place, worse than it was before!
BUT... and I like big BUTS... in finally coming through the other end of this black, swirling, mind-tornado, after thinking, reasoning and much meditation, I dealt with these 5 negative thoughts in what I feel is a healthy and honest manner, maybe even getting to a place where I can accept this often unjust, often corrupt, often stupid, often evil world.
In the next two posts I will deal with the 5 dark thoughts I experienced, the whole story behind Bhad Bhabie’s over-the-top success, and how I’ve come to deal with the injustice and inequities that many of us are experiencing now in these bitter days of runaway wealth inequality and rampant stupidity.
So, if you will... stay tuned for my next post, “Bhad Bhabie Chapter 2 – Dark Thoughts” followed by “Bhad Bhabie Chapter 3 – The Final Chapter” coming soon to a blog post near you.
In the meantime, keep on being good human beings; it’s the only thing in this world we can truly control.
Always at your service,
Doc Dan
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